American Abroad

Doin’ time on Delta

Waiting in the cue, the flight attendant slowly walks past me. “Anyone with flexible dates?” she whispers, in a tone that reminds me of the drug dealers in Amsterdam’s red-light district.

But I’m not interested. I’m not flexible, I just want to get this 17 and a half hour journey behind me as quick as humanly possible. Then my ears perk up. “$500 to anyone who changes their flight to leave a few hours later,” she explains to a family of four behind me, in the same slow secretive tone. I turn around and catch her eye. Following her lead, I ask her coolly what kind of time difference we’re talking about. She calls me over to the desk and looks up my details. “We can put you on a flight to Cincinnati First Class”, she explains, “and then to Atlanta on another flight.” “Will I make it to Caracas?” “No”, she says, “unfeasible.”

As I sit in my crowded economy class elbowing the girl next to me to type this up, I am thoroughly disappointed. And all the more so because I am stuck on a nine and a half hour Delta flight.

You know you are on an American airline by the sickly sweet greeting you receive from the airline host at too early o’clock in the morning. “Why heeeelloo” a large steward shaped like the Pillsbury dough boy exclaims as I shove past him on my way to the cubicle toilet. “How are youuuu?!” he asks with extended emphasis in all the unnecessary places. His jolliness is not welcomed after a sleepless night spent in Gatwick airport. I growl, make a b-line for my seat, and on my way steal a Financial Times from First Class in defiance. With any luck, I will sleep through this chapter of my journey and wake up at Caracas airport.

—–part two—–

Unfortunately I have awoken in Atlanta, Georgia. The smells of the airport cafeteria remind me of being back in the US. TGI Friday’s, Starbucks, and Philly Cheese steak. Even though I have eaten every 10 minutes since I left Gatwick due to nicotine deficiency I am hungry again. There is little wonder America faces an obesity epedemic. I have found the smoking room and all thoughts of greasy cheese steak disappear….relief…

Next stop Caracas. Only 6 hours to go…

On the Road

In less than 12 hours I will be on my way to Caracas, Venezuela. Bag is nearly packed, paid £5 for an extra adapter at Sainsbury’s and chucked in some plasters (band-aids for North Americans) in case of emergencies. Caracas has been described as one of the murder capitals of the world, so there is a safe bet that the plasters might not hold up in the face of gun shot wounds. But I’ll take my chances. Afterall, much of the violence that has put this South American capital on the map is gang related, right?

Besides, homocide is a worry on the backburner for the moment. My key concern has been one plaguing foreigners for the last decade: how to get past President’s Chavez intricate network of price controls. At a set rate of 2.15 bolivares to the dollar, more than one tourist has found themselves paying 3x the amount they should, with the parrallel rate at a hefty 6.6. Finding someone to exchange currency with is often the most sensible option, but one that represents yet another obtsacle.  How to avoid being duped by a wad of counterfeit cash.

Of course this is all part of the travelling challenge. Ok, perhaps a challenge less common in other countries, but there is always an element of the unexpected that sparks a churning sense of excitement and apprehension in the lead up to a trip somewhere new. Then of course there is my own personal airport petrification. No matter how many times I’ve safely maneovered through the baggage check problem-free, there is always the irrational fear that somehow my luggage will have been infiltrated by drug smugglers, terrorists or an exotic animal-breeder hoarding deadly spiders in my carry-on. Or maybe I forgot to take that extra lighter out of my coat pocket, or the tweezers in my purse that could surely stab out the eye of some unknowing passenger.

Indeed, getting through Gatwick will be an accomplishment of its own. And after that who knows? But watch this space for more excitement in the days to come.